The Suppression
by xlunaxwolfx
Summary: Ally and Emily prepare to take on the ultimate responsibility together, but end up getting more than they were "expecting."
1. Chapter 1

The Suppression

Chapter One.

The sickness deepened further into my stomach.

Waiting.

Something that was never quite my forte.

Sitting in this room.

Choking on the smell of medical supplies and hand sanitizer.

This this is the most powerless I've ever felt.

Control was something I learned to demand from those around me at a young age. Evidently, to avoid the grey areas of life; the unsure places, that consumed me more than I ever cared to admit.

Most of the time I was successful- But it's not just about me anymore.

This whole situation had done a lot of things to me; good, bad and ugly. But mainly and most importantly, its made me see that all this time, all of the things that have happened, through every tear, through every smile, out of all I ever thought I needed to achieve whatever diluted happiness I was chasing. All that ever mattered; all I ever sought out.. was all wrapped up.

Wrapped up in her skin, so tan with kisses from the sun paying tribute to her beauty, as if to show her that even something that golden and magnificent, would fall- out of the clear blue sky, just for her. Wrapped up in her laugh that seeps into my mind, and re manifests itself into my own. Wrapped in the light in her eyes that could blind you every time she smiles. Wrapped up in the smell of chlorine, blended into her long, dark, silky hair. A smell that looking back, has always felt like home. A shelter in the midst of a hurricane. Iced cold lemonade on a hot day. The breath of fresh air I was always dying to take.. whenever I finally get to take it- she's always there. And now I know why.

Its her.

My breath of fresh air.

Its been her all this time.

I wasn't always the most honest person- but for every lie I told- I told three more to myself.

All about one thing.

Her.

Please don't get confused. I'm not saying that I didn't notice her. Didn't see the way she hung on every word I spoke. Or the way her eyes lingered on me like she was a kid again, seeing her first shooting star. Complete awe. And no matter how ugly a person I ever was, no matter how much I ever hurt her- and believe me, I did. More times than even I can count- she still looks at me like that. With the same look I saw in her eyes the first time we met. Like she's looking at everything she's ever wanted, all at once..

Who the hell could NOT see her.

I couldn't take my fucking eyes off her.

It was the fact that it consumed me to the point I couldn't think straight. This wasn't a game. There was a point in my life where everything was just that. A game. Boys, my friends, my family. My whole life was one giant monopoly board- more recently than you'd think. I knew what fake felt like. I lived it. This was something else.

Something that kept me awake at night replaying unspoken words in my head, over and over, kicking myself in the ass for letting yet another opportunity, letting her..

slip through my fingers.

She made me wonder if I could really be the person she thinks I am. Made me want to see if what she see's really _is_ inside me somewhere. But no matter how hard I've searched, no matter how many flashlights I shine into the darkest corners of myself, I couldn't. and I think the only reason she can is because she's always going to see the best version of me; because only she brings that only she brings that out in me. We used to do assignments in school on the first day with stupid questions like "what's your name", (favorite book, best quality etc.) I had one once that asked what I loved most about myself. I couldn't answer it. Probably wrote down something about my hair. But, now. I realize. I love everything about myself when I'm with her.

As per usual thinking about her had me so out of my head that I didn't even hear the nurse call my name, asking me into the small blue office down a long grey hallway. Didn't feel my feet take me there. Didn't notice the hard plastic chair against my back. Or the heavy silence in the air like the calm before a storm.

I feel my phone vibrate.

Emily.

I feel a warmth spread through my chest.

We're on the bus to Brookhaven now, please, please, call me as soon as you're out. I honestly think I'm getting hives. I love you. -Em.

I had spent days reassuring her I would be okay to come on my own. In all reality, I've been a bundle of nerves just thinking about it. She makes everything easier. But I can't run. Not from this. And she doesn't need another weight on her shoulders.

She has become, somewhat obsessively supportive, and I honestly think she was more upset that she couldn't be here than I was.

While the doctor leaves the room to let me change into my hospital gown, I type her a quick message, then slide my phone into my bag.

After spending the fifteen minutes it now takes me to get undressed, and pulling the pale blue gown over my shoulders I laid back on the examination table.

As the doctor walked in his expression instantly made me feel as though something was off.

But with the way he asked me where Emily was full on confirmed it.

As an uneasy feeling set into the pit of my stomach, I explained Emily's absence to my OGBYN, saying she couldn't make it because she had a meet today.

Being assistant swim coach at Rosewood high meant I got to see her just as much at work as I do otherwise now. But it also meant a strict schedule. So I had to tough this one out on my own.

I was still half lost in my own thoughts I asked Dr. why he had called me in.

But I damn sure snapped back into place after he gave me an answer.

"This can't be right, you made a mistake. How could we have not known this whole time?"

"Well Ms. Dilaurentis, its not always completely evident in the earlier stages. Sometimes these things are overlooked. Though I apologize we couldn't see this coming sooner, all we can do now is try to adjust accordingly. You still have time to make plans, and prepare for this, even if it isn't as much as you would have liked, there's still time. I understand that you're probably feeling a little overwhelme-"

His words started fading faster than my brain could process them.

Everything started fading. Even the blue walls around us.

And then all of a sudden, it stopped- and everything went completely black.

The last thing I remember is falling.

And the first thing I remember after..

Well. Its basically the same thing.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two.

Everything had finally settled.

For once I felt like I was where I was supposed to be.

Somehow after all I put her through, the girl of my dreams had still agreed to marry me.

And though it was under unfortunate and unforeseen circumstances we were now expecting our first child together.

Everything was all planned out.

And no matter how stressful it had been, no matter how much time and effort its taken for us to get to this place, we're here. Dealing with this. Together. And its seems like no matter what has happened, we've managed to adapt because we have each other. But what if this was different?

Needing to change your lifestyle, your house, yourself, even in so many ways is expected when you're expecting. However, we didn't know what exactly we were expecting.

Twins.

There's two of them.

How the hell I was going to manage having one tiny version of myself running around, I was still trying to figure out.

But two?

Are you kidding me?

After all I remember putting my mother, and everyone else through when I was a child, I could barely stand the thought of dealing with twice the hell for the next eighteen years. I've spent every night praying to a God I'm unsure that I even believe in that all of the good inside Emily will rub off onto our children. That they'll take on her grace, her kindness, her bravery.

She's going to be the most wonderful mother, and I honestly could not ask for a better person to have by my side. But me. The thought of having to raise a tiny human into a person. Having to teach them all of the things they need to know to survive..

Don't get me wrong, deep down, I've always wanted this.

A family. A normal, family. To be surrounded by real love, instead of admiration. To feel a place of belonging, to have a real purpose in life.

A chance to prove that I'm more than what I was. That I've changed.

And I don't usually go through life feeling inadequate.

But looking back at myself, how I've acted, the choices I made, all of the people I hurt.

I don't feel capable.

Its taken me this long to realize what is really important in life. Taken me this long to turn MYSELF into a decent person. Though I'll never truly feel like one. Seeing the worst in yourself is a dangerous thing. And it makes it that much harder to believe there's any good left at all.

What if I couldn't do this?

I don't want them to end up like I did. Pushing away everyone who ever mattered for the sake of feeling powerful. I changed because I couldn't stand myself. And in all reality, I doubt anyone else could stand me either. There were times when even Emily could barely stand to look me in the eye.

Times where she's been scared of me.

I don't ever want to make anyone, especially her, or these babies ever feel like that again.

But what if I can't do it.

What if Mona was right?

What if people really can't change, and I just end up bringing everything back full circle?

I swear no matter how far away she is, or isn't that bitch will forever be in my head telling me in not good enough.

Deservingly so, I suppose after all the years I did it to her face.

Even though Mona put us all through hell more times than she hacked into the Rosewood Police data base, I can't help feeling like a part of me is thankful to her. It was like every lie she ever exposed, no matter how bad it screwed us, at the same time always set us free in a way we were scared to do for ourselves. Stripped away all the layers we- I, spent years creating. And while I don't appreciate her undoing all my hard work, I have to admit, life's a lot easier when people know the real you.

When there's nothing left to hide anymore.

But now whoever is pulling the strings, they don't have any interest in helping anyone.

Except maybe Charlotte.

I buried my head into the garbage can as whatever id managed to eat today spilled into it.

Hard at this point to know if it's the concussion or morning sickness.

I got up to brush my teeth in the small bathroom to my right and sat back down onto the hospital bed.

I guess doctors don't take too kindly to the idea of a pregnant women fainting in their office, as a result ill be under observation until they're sure the baby is stable.

Babies. Until they're sure the babies are stable.

Then it all hit me like a tonne of bricks.

My emergency contact.

What if they've called her and she's on her way here?

How in the hell am I going to tell her?

I thought I had more time. How am I going to figure out how to tell her this before she speeds in here high on mom hormones and adrenaline. I can't just lie to her sitting next to an ultrasound monitor frozen on 3D shot of the truth.

I reached up and pushed the red assistance button that was located to the left of my bed about ten times and waited for someone to come.

A nurse came rushing in like she thought I was flat lining right there.

"Is everything okay? What's happening? What can I do to help?"

She sped through her words like her hair was on fire.

"I'm fine, I just was wondering if I could get you to bring up my file and see if they've contacted anyone about this little accident. Please. Now. And if they haven't I'd really prefer they didn't. It's just been a big day and I should really go home and rest. Really, you guys have done an amazing job but, my fiancé, she's a swim coach, and well, she worries. Like a lot. And she's at a really big meet right now, and she wont have her phone. And if she sees a missed call from the hospital she will absolutely loose it. I'm feeling so, much better. It was probably just because of low blood sugar or something, I'm sure of it, honestly. There's really no need for all this fuss."

God now so was I.

"I completely understand dear, though I can't see Dr. Cochrane condoning you leaving alone, if your vitals and tests come back okay, I can't see the issue with letting you go home. I'll take care of it don't worry yourself okay just sit back, and relax and I'll send the doctor in to speak to you in a moment okay?"

"Thank you."

It came out meaner than I meant it to, but she nodded her head at me like she understood it wasn't meant for her. I gave her a half hearted smile as she exited the room.

I laid there in silence for about all of two seconds before I jumped up with an idea.

Only to feel a painful tug in my arm and in several places across my chest and stomach.

Great.

After discovering I can only move about two feet in any given direction I thought all hope was lost.

Until I looked at the meal tray that had been left for me.

My phone was sitting next to a plate of lime green jello with whipped cream and some sort of mock turkey dinner. And a fresh tea.. The only thing that I could help but wonder was why.

I can't imagine any of the nurses being that concerned with my texting privileges that they would just go into my bag and set my cell phone with my lunch.

Or go out for Starbucks.

You'd only do that for someone you knew. Wouldn't you?

But the whole time I'd been awake I have not one memory of anyone being in here but the nurse I just spoke to.

How long was I asleep?

I instantly hyper extended my arm across all of the tubes and wires binding me to the bed and grab my phone off of the tray.

I felt panic pang through my chest as I opened my messages.

Five missed calls from Emily.

And one blocked message..

 ** _Looks like You're in the clear with Emily, and get to loose that less than lovely hospital gown-For now- But the clock is ticking Ali. Tell her while I'm still giving you the choice. Medical files are way more accessible than you would think sweetie. It'd be a shame if Emily got her hands on yours._**

 ** _P.S You're welcome for the tea. I figured you could use something to settle your stomach. I hear valium makes you wicked nauseous._**

 ** __** ** _Kisses, - A._**


End file.
